Thursday, October 16, 2008

Have a Very Faux Christmas?

I visited Costco today. Saw a nice set of candles in the Christmas area. I love candles, but I like fire more than candles. Luckily, you can have fire and candles at the same time. Anyway back to Costco candles. They looked like candles, all creamy and waxy and they smelled like candles, all vanilla-y. I took a closer look. A villainous light bulb had taken over the wicks place. The wax was-was, well it wasn't wax and I'm not sure what the material really was, but it definitely wasn't wax. Ack! A cord! The candle was not real!!!! It was a faux candle. WHaaah? Who wants a fake candle? Where is the fire, the burning fire to warm and flicker? Is there a faux flicker too?

OK, I'm am just sick and tired of all this plasticky stuff people use at Christmas time. The tree for instance. I know the tree can be very expensive, but I would rather have a real tree than the foil wrapped presents lying under it! Sorry!

Wait...hmm..I do have some faux holly garland, but after seeing the candle today, I am going to turn a new leaf and go totally real this Christmas. I will sell my garland on craigslist. The picture will look real nice, when the buyer comes over to get it he/she won't even care that it is plastic, for I don't believe anybody has ever seen real live (or recently living) garland.

What's up with the plastic snowman. Do you guys know it isn't real. Just go up to it. It is not real. It's actually slightly warm around the tummy area.

Along the same line here, I believe the reason people do not appreciate the fruit cake anymore is because they don't make it themselves. It's not real. You may or may not know this but the stuff you buy at the store contains faux fruits (yes, plastics and woodchips are added). That is why they are so hard. Faux fruitcake! We should create a new law mandating the disclosure of these phony ingredients on every label.

As soon as my oranges are ripe I am going to pick one and poke some cloves through their tasty skins and let the smell wreak havoc on my home! None of these fabricated smells, but really orangy and stuff!

Vote No on Faux Christmas!

4 comments:

Cindy Jensen said...

Wow - all this because of plastic candles? But really I agree with you!

Rachel said...

Yay for real trees! And real garlands too? I'm super excited :)

XOXOXOXO said...

Perhaps you'd like to explain that fake pumpkin on your porch....

~Stappsters~ said...

That is real!! Which one???